I have to say --- I am a little biased about this. Probably because my husband is, as many grown men have told me, one of the manliest men you'll ever meet.
It happens a lot. And to be fair, it’s totally true. He’s a beefy 6’3" with a pronounced jaw, red hair, and a furrowed brow line that makes him look akin to a plundering Viking. He wrestles, footballs, builds, cliff jumps, saws, welds, automobile repairs, chops trees, motorcycles, hunts, snow-boards, rides bulls…..and two-steps.
He is a masculine, dominant male. Yes he is competitive, adventurous and daring; assertive, confident and protective.
But more important, he is selfless and generous, which according to The Gentleman’s Journal are in the top seven qualities a woman finds attractive. And when you combine these with the above list of attributes, that’s when great things happen for humanity; like man's first flight, storming a beach against heavy artillery, exploring unknown terrain, and The Declaration of Independence.
(Is it just me or is Clint Eastwood even better looking as a 70 year old?)
As I’ve told several men, while trying to reassure them their comparisons to my husband are self-defeating and silly; being a “man” does not necessarily require the first list of skills and talents my husband possesses. (Although I do think they are important...and attractive.) It’s the second list of attributes; self-assured, kind, proactive, these matter. These, are the qualities that make a man, among men.
A tale of two men
Let me give you a prime example. My husband grew up in the mountains of Northern Arizona where, believe it or not, it snows. Since he was old enough to drive he kept supplies in his truck in case he got stuck: shovel, tow-straps, etc. He uses these not only to help himself, but other stranded motorist; college kids new to the region, senior citizens, women. I’ve sat in the car several times when he made an unexpected pit stop to help push, dig, or pull complete strangers out of the snow. Assertive. Protector. Brave. Selfless.
Let me contrast this with another scene. A few years back I was driving through the university of our small town on a frigid snowy day. In the middle of campus, I came to a stop sign adjacent to a bus stop, about four cars back from the sign. While I was stopped I noticed the college students to my left, one girl and about five guys, shivering under the pavilion in their skinny jeans and hoodies. They hugged themselves jumping to stay warm while I sat there waiting, waiting, WAITING.
I didn’t move. No one did! Annoyed, I stepped out of my car to see what was going on. A few yards past the stop sign was a small pick-up truck with screeching, spinning tires. The back-passenger side tire had slipped down into a ditch and was stuck in the snow. The truck slid left to right as the driver pressed on the gas; it wasn’t working.
Having some confidence from watching my husband, and a cell phone in case I was useless, I walked over to the truck, passing by the other cars and huddled boys under safe cover to my left.
I greeted the marooned driver with a smile and asked if he wanted help; looking a little embarrassed but relieved, the young man agreed.
I stepped down into the embankment with my furry boots, the kind for looks not labor, and with the powdery snow half-way to my knees, I gave the driver the go-ahead. Each time he punched on the gas and the truck rocked, I pushed the bumper. It took about four pushes and his tire was free. He stuck his head out with a wave and a thank you, and I felt pretty good.
As I walked back to my car, snow still pounding down and the college kids at the bus stop still clustered together, I looked at them and waved, “Hey thanks for your help! That was real manly of you.”
Their response? A chorus of sarcastic, “Yea you’re welcome --” followed by a few expletives, which made them look so much better.
What has happened?
Again --- I ask, where have all the men gone? Where is my Marlboro man, where is his shiny gun? Where is that lonely ranger?
Do do...da do do...da do do.
No really. Where are the leaders? The assertive, self-starters who risk life and limb for valor or venture? I think there are two culprits to blame:
Men. And modern feminists. Simple as that.
First, men. Individuals are responsible for their own actions, so really, the blame is on you. As one writer put it:
“Not so long ago, the average American man in his 20's had achieved most of the milestones of adulthood: a high-school diploma, financial independence, marriage and children. Today, most men in their 20's hang out in a novel sort of limbo, a hybrid state of semi-hormonal adolescence and responsible self-reliance.”
You’re not doing so well guys. And it’s a serious issue. According to the National Institute of Health, American men are four times as likely to commit suicide than women. If you feast on a steady diet of video games and porn, combined with little drive to better yourself, the results are sad; truly tragic.
As I’ve told people before when they play the comparison game with my stud of a husband, you don’t have to whittle a spear from a pond reed or ruck 26 miles in the hot New Mexico sand to be a stallion: you can tinker with technology, write stories, inspire children, have an affinity for soft and cushy beds, or soft and cushy animals. You can have a quiet demeanor, be awkward with a wrench or clumsy with a ball; be a sports car guy, a truck guy, or a gas efficient, top notch in safety features kind of guy. Be an individual, be yourself, but for the love of humanity ---- be a man.
Be confident and valiant. Be the kind of man who sees someone in need --- and gets up to help.
The second culprit....modern feminists. You’ve been castrating men for decades, insinuating that everything from opening a woman’s door to enjoying some old fashioned football is “patriarchal dominance”; from benevolent sexism and microaggressions, to toxic masculinity....
Any behavior indicative to manhood is scrutinized, slashed, squeezed, stepped-on and spit out: masculinity is harmful and the root of all ills including, as one study suggests, killing the planet.
In your attempt to rectify these problems and rid men of their “innate evils”, you’ve slowly sucked out their spines until all that is left --- is what I saw that day: grown men (and I use the word generously) choosing to stay comfortable, choosing to stay safe, choosing what was easiest for them rather than helping another human being.
This - ladies - is what you created.
But it’s only to your detriment. Studies have found that women are more attracted to (wait for it…) more dominant men. It doesn’t take a PhD to figure out why.
Moral of the story folks --- be a man, raise a man, date a man, marry a man --- and let men be men.
What You Can Do
-Boys need strong male role models growing up. For the boys in your life, be that role model or find that role model(s). It’s important
-The outdoors, sports, camping, are places for boys to test their limits, take healthy risks and explore.
-Ladies, don’t expect your man to think, react, feel or be interested in the same things as you. We’re hardwired differently, for good reason. Let your differences compliment each other.
-Stop reading, watching, scrolling, flipping through media that tears down men and insists they act like women.
-Here are some organizations that focus on building men up:
